we were designed to complement one another in america relationship. one of the things we need to remember about marriage and it shocks people, marriage is not an institution is designed to make us happy or let me surprise everybody. >> dave: don't they drive each other crazy russian. >> mike: the purpose is to make us holy not happy. we have to learn how to love. love is not natural to us. love is basically being unselfish. we are born selfish. in the crib we cry because what we want we want right now. that is our selfish basic inner nature. what love does true love, it has to be dealt, which means we learn how to be unselfish not selfish. marriage is not a 50-50 deal. it's a 100100 deal. you give 100% of your commitment to your spouse. also you get it back. even if you don't commit because that's how you learn to love. if you love only when you are loved back and it's reciprocal, that's easy. when you can love, we are not being loved back, when it's not fun enough lesson, that's the real test of commitment. that's the real test of fidelity and when y